there will never be a goodbye ;)

okay friends , lets make it easy bcs i really don't know how to put this into words. well yeah , saya bukan munsyi dewan yg terror bab2 ayat ni.

hmm , skrg kn its the time for most spm leavers (*bcs some of them already started the college life bfr result keluar lagi.genius kan?) to make another big step in their life. yeap , the college life. tak kisah lah dpt mana, matriks ke upu , it's just the same that we are going to study AGAIN. and this time things gonna be tougher and we need to be smarter ;) so yeah , the matriks student and uitm students were already registered last monday. so before that mmg byk lah farewell pny reunion. everybody is wishing goodbye take care good luck all the best keep in touch bla bla bla. so yeah , siapa tak sedih kan ? but this things are really important in our life right ? don't worry lah. kita bukan duduk zaman batu yg kalau nk contact kena guna utusan burung merapti takpun bagi signal asap kan ? we do have phones and facebook. bila free time boleh texting calling and facebook-ing kan ? going to the new places , one thing is certain we gonna have the new experiences. experiences that make some of us eager to explore and some afraid(mostly yg dpt jauh takut sb homesick). aku fhm perasaan korg. don't worry. homesick tu normal okay. lama2 korg akan bljr nk adapt with the situation and all your tears will dry. and kalau ada yg kata"eiwww, mengadew lah kaww nk homesick pulak.chillww sudeww" well shut up lah rempit. kau takde perasaan rindu mak bpk ke ? i know things not gonna be the same. but there are other thing in this world we need to see , we need to explore kan? sb tu kena move on. and i wrote this actually because i wanna dedicate it to my best girlfriend;

try to find raihan and me. !

haha dude , kena tipu. yess might find me but not raihan. she's not in the picture becasue she wasn't here. heh , she was represnting the school for handball competition. THEEE :) so yeah , why i wrote about her? what are so special about her ? well yeah , she's my bestfriends since i was in the kinder garden and the 12 years friendship is still been counting. harap2 sampai bila2 lah kn jd bestfriend. and thru those years mmg byk yg kitorg share. eventhough mase f4 kita separate. aku msk mrsm and kau stay jln4 but i'm glad kita tak lost contact and still keep in touch mcm biasa. and i'm glad that our mom really make a good friends right ? soon she gonna make her way to achieve her dream. doctor. and specialist in kanak2. yeah , we share the same ambition too :) mula2 dia dpt offer sama dgn aku dkt UM and i was really happy like i wanna jump all the day ;) but the bila result mara keluar , thing was change. she got the offer but not for me. dpt offer buat medic kt middle east for 6 years(watta lama weyy) and yg buat aku lagi culture shock is she gonna fly on this september. yg lain semua buat foundation Alevel at least one year dlu. tapi dia lagi 3 months nk fly and 30 ni register kat shah putra kuantan persediaan 3 bulan. at first mmg dia dilemma nk pergi ke tak , but after doing istikharah and thought that this chance dtg once in her life time so no reason she should refuse it right ? bak kata pengat "dh sugar daddy nk sponsor". she decided to go. i'm happy for her. i mean like yeahh. as long as dia happy aku happy. so i gonna miss her like hell here. dulu masa aku msk mrsm baru 3 months tak jumpa pun mcm "eh gemuk nya kau eh kurus lah. eh asl ni asl tu." bygkan 3 months pn dh mcm tu ni lagi lah 6 tahun? imagine it 0.0 no , i can't figure it out how. i know at least once in a year kau akn balik tgk bangi. kata nnt mesti rindu bangi en. so insyaAllah we will meet up :)

i know things will not gonna be the same without you. you don't have to give a damn about something that can push you down. just do your own thing and make sure it works :) there will never be a goodbye in this friendship*unless if you wanna throw me away from your life. all the best :)

current mood -,-

hai hari ni IC saya hilang. IC hilang masa hari saya nk pergi bukak account bank islam. yeah , last minute preparation. heh , esok saya nak buat ic baru. kbye. terima kasih -,-

so current mood :BENGANG !

Ya Allah permudahkan lah segala urusan ini ;)

Let's prepare :)

SALAM !

aku rasa mcm  dh lama tak update blog padahal baru 4 hari je doe. lame -,- well , sory lah derr internet rumah waa lembs mcm siput and nk update selalu tak sempat. heh , kepala pak hang lah farah tak sempat. tidur je mmg lah tak sempat. dush.

so past few days , hmmm past 3 nights to be exact , i had a nightmare. bukan those stupid typical nightmare yg kena gigit hantu ke , rumah masuk pencuri ke , takpun lg chibeng mimpi boyfren curang. aku pelik asal org consider tu as a nightmare. huh  :/ to the hell with that , so i want na share about the nightmare. well , jgn risau nightmare aku taleh buat box office film pun. tapi mmg sumpah scary lah.

so i had a nightmare dimana aku mimpi the world has come to the end. in other word , KIAMAT ! mmg tahap takut tu aku taleh cerita lah, plus aku takut nk cerita sb it's a sin kan kalau kita gambarkan hari kiamat tu. everything is clear in the Al-Quran and who am i lah kan nk tambah2 semua ? and in my nightmare tu mmg segala mcm jenis manusia ada. mmg betul lah kan apa yg Allah dh cakap. yg tenang ada yg tak tentu arah ada. and masa tu mmg betul apa yg islam dh ajar kita , masa tu takde sorg pun amek port pasal kauu. everybody is doing their own thing and for those yg byk dosa tu beriya2 seek for the forgiveness. and boleh tak aku nk ckp something ? tapi jgn salah phm. dlm mimpi tu aku mimpi dajal bangkit dari laut. betul ke ? aku try google pasal dajal semua tapi tak jumpa pulak psl yg dia bangkit dari laut. yg aku jumpa dia deform , mata kiri takde. mata kanan hitam. and mmg scary rambut kerenting. nevermind , if you wanna know you can just wiki it. aku baca kat situ lah tadi.

so korg nk tau condition aku dlm mimpi tu mcm mana ? i was with my mum pergi shopping kot and suddenly bunyik kecoh2 kat luar. so headed outside and boleh plak tiba2 barack obama dtg kat kitaorg. what on earth is that ? so he took me to the castle. aku jumpa PRINCE WILLIAM DGN KATE MIDDLETON. tapi masa tu kate dh tua mmg tak lawa lah weh. tapi prince william still sama mcm dia yg skrg. PELIK.*just cut the crap. masa tu mmg aku takut sangat sangat. aku nangis semua and masa tu aku tahu nk bertaubat pun tak guna. pintu taubat dah tutup. masa ada masa dulu duk leka sgt kann. memang rasa tu menyesal gila gila gila. aku boleh pulak kata "mama , ara menyesal sgt tak solat subuh tadi " and that time my mum cool gilaa tau. dia tenang je it's like she's ready. well i hope so. sape tanak mak dia masuk syurga and dipermudahkan segala perjalanan dia masa kiamat nnt kan ? heh , kalau boleh aku pun nk jd condition mcm mak aku tu. tenang tak takut semua.


so bila aku bangun, DANGGG MEMANG TERLEPAS SUBUH. yeah , aku phm maksud mimpi tu. JANGAN TINGGAL SOLAT KALAU ANDA TANAK MERANA KAT AKHIRAT and that nightmare aku rasa Allah nk bagi peringatan kat aku supaya bersedia prepare kan diri dgn amalan2 semua. npk sangat amalan aku tak cukup kan. yeah , i know -,- aku pun bukan baik sgt but i try to improve myself. so do you kan ? sama2 lah kita prepare diri kita okayy :)

p/s: ada masa , do free yourself pergi youtube tgk lah video IniAnwarHadi. serious dia awesome sangat and he got the point everytime dia post video. at least korg gain something bila tgk video dia. and i like his style. i mean cara dia nk attract org nk buat baik. it works cara dakwah dia :) *heh, aku dh start berangan nak laki mcm diaaa. tuihhhh perasan.

After All

just a short update.

after all the highs and lows , i think i have started to accept the fact*even though it's hurt. but at least i learned something. even though it's hard but i'm trying. move on in my life rather than thinks about something that i didn't get. the most important thing are my future and my dream. no matter where we're studying it's only us can retrieve our dreams. kalau ada rezeki ada lah kan. kadang2 Tuhan nak menguji. All happens for goods. and nothing much in this world that i need other than my superduper cool family and awesomeness friends ! they always have my back ;) so friends , congratulations for those yg dapat scholarship. all i can say you are lucky enough to have the chance so grab it. make me proud of you. and for those yg tak dapat like me*sobs :( sama2 lah kita duduk malaysia tmpt sendiri. meh kita jaga malaysia untuk depa yg pi overseas.

well , yeah i got macbook from my father. thank you abah :* hehe , probably there shouldn't be any problem berebut nak online with my adik and lepas ni IM tolong lah jgn buat hal lagi -,-

take care <3

TIRED

uhuh , i'm terribly tired. i slept at 4.30a.m yesterday and i woke up around 9 or sumthing. so can you imagine slept for 4 hours only ? i know for some people can deal with it but seriously i can't. i usually slept for 8-12 hours . hee , i know what you wanna say. i am the hardcore sleepyhead. *nahhh , you can laugh if you want to. so i went out with my ex-schoolmate yesterday and we ARE having A LOTS OF FUN. like SERIOUSLAAAYY. i miss them like hell. soon we'll make our separates way. some will go for matrik and some got offer to study aboard and some will be doing their asasi. so no more having fun like what we used to be. everybody is growing up and more matured than ever. the guy become more handsome tough and so whatever. the ladies are much more prettier and stylo. everybody is trying to be maria elena or hana tajima. no more wearing the school uniform. at least my mind now is full of colour when i meet them. no more seeing the blue,white and peach.duhh of course lah kan ? well to the hell with that because let the memories will be ours forever not yours. and then of course after a great day will come the tiring part. it was tiring with the ktm stuff where i have to stand for 9 stations and get tired after giggling all the day. so when i got back , i had my dinner watching AF with my mummy and suddenly i felt like i wanted to make the goodbye video for my one and only alifa shahira. so i tried to bring back those memories and show some stuff in that video. i've post it to my facebook (here's the link if you want to watch it) so theres no need to explain more. let's the video does the talking. and this morning i've promised my sista to take her out for weekend outing at JJ seremban. so we went to have our lunch at nasi arab damsyik first. and the food are freaking sedap dohh. went to JJ, as what have been expected , theres no parking left for us :( and my sista still wanna go JJ instead of tesco sb dia nk pergi mph. lepas pujuk and i said nk belanja coolblog dkt tesco then she said fine tesco. we headed to tesco. pun ramai jugak org -,- tak paham aku. so the rest is history. and all the way back to home , i slept and then continue it bila sampai rumah until 9p.m. 0.0 elokk benoo lah tuu tidur masa maghrib. but seriously i'm tired. i went out without dress up like what i used to do including the b.b cream and the lip ice because i was too lazy . and my sista said i look pale withou wearing any of that. but at least , i have my natural look isn't ?

give your skin the natural look sometime :)

Sometimes I do look stupid

 well , bukan nk bukak cerita aib sendiri but this is just something to share moga2 korg tak lah jd mcm aku. and one more thing , i wrote not to impress but to express. i don't wanna impressed you guys like "dude, i can cook kuey teow kung fu while doing kung fu style.haiyak haiyak" and you will impressed like whoaa seriously ?  in the end you'll know the answer: i lied -,-

this time i said i am stupid in terms of bab masak. aku mmg rasa gila dumb bangang bongok because i don't know anything psl masak. eh kejap , bukan lah tak tau langsung mcm zero. i do know sikit2 lah. i know kuali apa , periuk apa , senduk apa. tu aku tau lah. well mesti korg ckp tuu je ke ? well , mmg tu je pun aku tau -,- and kalau masak aku reti goreng telur and masak nasik. nak tau tak yg goreng telur ada cili bawang semua tu aku br tau mcm mana nk buat padahal benda tu paling simple yg org dh expert msk kata. aku bljr buat benda tu pun sb dh kemaruk sgt nk mkn. sanggup call mama belajar thru the phone. siap tanya mama nk goreng minyak berapa byk semua. well , yg buat aku tak suka and takut nk msk sb minyak ah. nnt kan kalau kita goreng pape mesti minyak terpercik kan? duhh , tu aku paling takut. even org lain yg goreng pun , aku yg duk sebelah ni boleh lari 100 meter sb takut. tp skrg dh tak takut dh. kalau nk masuk kan pape dlm kuali ada minyak , aku tutup api dulu. pastu bukak balik api. tu pun bukak api perlahan je.so tade lah terpercik kan. ni bongok ke penakut ?

kalau nk ckp bab ingredient aku halia dgn kunyit pun tak reti beza ? nasib baik aku reti beza cili dgn cili padi sb aku bljr drpd peribahasa "kecik2 cili padi". lagi sedih kat mana mak aku letak semua benda tu pun aku tak amik tau. ada sekali haritu cousin aku dtg dia nk msk. dia tanya mana cili bawang semua. so aku mcm err , cuba check kat fridge*dgn nada tak confident langsung. bukak fridge phewww , nasib baik ada. tadelah segan sgt. tapi ada cili yg dh mesin tu je. bawang mana ? puas aku cari tak jumpa. aduhh. aku pungg call mak aku since cousin aku tu nk msk sotong. aku smgt ah kan nk mkn. kalau tak dh lama aku pesan dominos je. bila call mak aku then mak aku ckp bawang tu mama dh mesin dgn cili sekali. WHATTT ?! sejak bila boleh campur mesin bawang dgn cili. aku mcm gila amazed dgn benda baru ni siap bukak tupperware cili tu nk bau ada bawang ke tak. ADAAAA ! WHOAA. bleh pulak aku pi tanya cousin aku mcm tu. mmg nmpk bongok gila lah kan ?

and one more thing aku tak tahan kalau nk kena bersih kan barang mentah. eh jap , barang mentah ke barang basah ? ah ikut suka kau lah panggil apa. tp maksud aku barang2 mcm ikan ayam tu ah. mak aku pun tak pernah suruh aku buat sb dia tau aku SEMESTINYAAA mengelat. aku lebih rela vacum satu rumah dr kena buat benda2 tu. busuk sehh. nnt tangan mesti bau yuckss. eleh padahal benda tu kau mkn lah farah -,- tak payah nk yuckss sgt. hee , in fact kalau nk suruh aku beza jenis ikan pun aku tak tau. yg aku tau ikan pari je mcm mana rupa dia. kalau ikan lain everytime nk mkn mesti tanya "maa , ni ikan apa" berpuluh kali tanya pun tak jugak ingat nama ikan tuu. haiyoo

huu , aku tau mana2 mak mentua pun mmg pikir dua tiga kali lah nk amik aku jd menantu. HHA. tak payah nk mak mentua sgt lahh , jgn kata tunang, boyprengg pun hang tadak farah. BELAJAR OKAYY. JADI DOCTOR BERGUNAA DULU OKAYY. my aunty always said. awak kata awak nk belajar kat luar negara. tp mcm mana ni tak pandai masak. takkan nk mkn luar je. mana ada mama nk msk ayam msk kurma selalu *aym msk kurma fav dish waa doo heh , jwpn aku mesti ni "alaa , nnt mesti ada house mate ara yg pandai masak." 

so i came into this conclusion : SAYA NAK BELAJAR MASAKKKK !!!

oh btw , hari ni i cooked for my lunch. nak tau tak msk apa ? i masak sambal telur*my mum kata not bad. and ayam goreng. PHEWW , boleh tak nak kata bangga ? mmg bangga sb ni first time, bljr thru the fon dan yg penting TAK HANGUSS OR HANGIT :)

may peace be upon youu <3

MY BAD :\

heyy , i don't what on earth is that ? urghh , i do hate it.

i do appreciate what he did for me. like seriously i do. i don't wanna you, people, to think that i'm the unappreciative beast. i didn't really know what to say. but like yeaaa i felt guilty. i think i need sometime. to think. ALONE. i don't wanna hear you, people, come to me and say "oh come on. he did a lot." well , fyi i'm not that unappreciative beast who didn't think anything about his sacrifices. but somehow i'm wondering why i can't see that ? why and why ? what on earth is going here ?! i usually fall for someone very quickly. but i don't know what happen this time. am i being trauma or phobia or what ? ughh , i feel empty and uncertain bout everything.*ughh, i do hope this feeling blown away soon. i don't wanna give you hope or what. but i really hope we can be friends. you are my friend who really make my day , who make me laugh but after all , please don't push me down. you and the awesome friends already make me feel i'm worth being what i am. so please ? just be friends okay ? oh not , just BEST FRIENDS okay ? because we can go far if we remains as a friend. i'm afraid if we end up as a couple then we break up and what ? oh god,  i just can't imagine losing you in my life. i don't want the history to repeat itself.

but don't worry honey , if we are meant to be , then we are :)